Freedoms of Life

 

One of the freedoms I know I will have to give up for awhile is the opportunity to travel with Dev.  I have been lucky to be able to just get away and spend the weekend alone with him a couple of times a year for the last several years.  Road trips are the best because we have a lot of time to read and talk.  I read to Dev while he drives—we have read some great books together, and it is always interesting to talk about them and get each others’ perspective.  And we can take our golf clubs and golf wherever we go!  A few of our favorites have been to Wolf Creek, Park City, Estes Park, Colorado, and we were even fortunate enough to be able to go to Hawaii.  (We still took our golf clubs).  We call our friend Dave Dove, who works for our timeshare, and he hooks us up with the best deals and we usually end up with the suite! 

Now when I say “we” I guess I need to be a little more accurate.  There are three reasons that I end up benefitting from this and not one of them really has anything to do with me!  First, the kids are all a little older and can pretty much take care of themselves.  Second, my truly amazing sister, Lacey, comes and stays with the kids to make sure they do just that!  Of course my mom and sister Camie have helped us out several times as well.  And third, the “we” is really just Devron.  He does ALL of the planning, even the part of talking me into leaving the kids for the weekend.  He is great at it and I am horrible.  The worst, in fact.  Honey, I love you!  You make my life so much more fun and interesting!!  I would sit home bored all of the time without you.  HAHA!!  I wouldn’t be pregnant without you either—you really do make my life more interesting!

He also needs to travel to conferences on occasion for PMI and enjoys the company whenever I can tag along.  I use our sky miles if we have to fly, and since he has to have a room and a car already we only end up paying for my food and whatever we do for entertainment.  It’s always nice to get away and spend some time alone together.  Some trips I have more time with him than others, it depends on the conference and his meeting schedule, but even when I have to be alone all day, I always enjoy myself.  I can write, read, study, go sight-seeing, and even to the temple if we are close to one.  We have been to Las Vegas a few times where we have seen some fun shows (Phantom being one), Florida, California, and most recently, Washington, DC.

The inside of the Gaylord Hotel, complete with several shops and restaurants, live trees and birds.

 
And a water fountain with colorful lights set to music.

This was a dream trip for me and perfectly timed.  We hadn’t told anyone our news yet as we were still absorbing it and giving ourselves time to adjust and prepare to be bombarded with jokes, questions, and all-around stunned and amazed family and friends, so it was a good time to leave it all behind and think about something else for awhile.  Also, Jill and I had been working out in her basement with the elliptical and treadmill while watching documentaries to keep us motivated and help the time go faster.  That’s what you call a physical and a mental workout and the incredible multi-tasking capability of mothers.  We have to make every minute count!  We were spending valuable time together as well -- usually ending our sessions with a meaningful conversation about what we had just watched, challenges with our families, or what in the world should we fix for dinner?  We had viewed Thomas Jefferson and just finished Abraham and Mary Lincoln (both by Ken Burns) right before I left so I was excited to not only see their monuments but pay a tribute to them in person.

This was a trip where Dev would be highly involved in meetings and so we left a day early so he could have at least one day to see some sights with me.  Because he is such a World War II fan, our first stop was the Air and Space Museum where we spent several hours soaking it all in.  We then scheduled two whirlwind bus tours to take in all of the major places and monuments.  It was a little bit rushed for time and also very cold, windy and drizzly so my pictures are not the best, especially the ones at night, but now we can say we have been there!

9/11 Memorial at the Pentagon.  If you look closely you will notice that some point towards the building, representing the lives lost on the plane.  The monuments that point away from the building are for those who perished inside.  FYI—you cannot take a picture of the pentagon building or you will be arrested and questioned and your camera confiscated!

 Arlington National Cemetery.  Unbelievably large and still growing.  A very sacred place.

 Changing of the guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldiers.  There are some very interesting facts about these guards and the lifestyle they agree to follow during their time of service and for the rest of their lives.

 The Capitol Building and the reflector stripes on my jacket!

National WWII Memorial with the Washington Monument and American Flag in the background. 

 The White House.  It looks much smaller than you think it will but is actually quite large with a lot of it being underground!

Thomas Jefferson Memorial

 Lincoln Memorial

I cannot adequately describe in words the reverence and gratitude I felt as I gazed at these two men and re-read their words which are engraven on the walls of their memorials.  It was very moving for me to stand before them and offer a silent prayer of gratitude for their sacrifices and accomplishments which helped to lay the foundation for the abundance of life and freedom that I personally enjoy today.

I cannot forget George Washington, whose estate I visited as I wandered the city alone for the next four days, soaking in the history of the founding of our country and our government, and the wars that have been fought and the lives that have been lost to obtain and preserve it.  I am even more convinced now that this is “One Nation Under God” and that these men played a major role in making it and keeping it that way.  Such a very small percentage of the people that have ever lived on this earth have been able to dream of, let alone live in the favorable circumstances that I take for granted every day.  They haven’t had the freedom of choice, of worship, or of hope for their children and their future. 

Of course our country isn’t perfect today, but I have great hope for it and for the futures of my children!  I know that they can be and do whatever they set their minds and hearts to do because of “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness”.  I may be momentarily losing a little bit of every day freedom, but I realize that it is a great privilege and responsibility to bring another new life into this blessed state of prosperity and hope that we call America, despite it’s current challenges.  These men were not perfect, they were human and made mistakes just as we all do, but I believe they did their best to fulfill their God-given purpose on this earth and it inspires me to fulfill mine. 

I will be forever grateful for my trip to Washington, DC.  I have so many more pictures and thoughts I could share but this post has gone on long enough!  There is just one more of another important man that has influenced my life. . . .

I love you, Dev, and I know that we have many more places to see and golf together!

PS.  How about Lincoln for a boy name?

Changing Life

 

February 8, 2011.  The day I finally bought a pregnancy test.  I had been wondering and praying for several days and deep down I knew.  I just couldn’t believe what I knew!  I needed scientific proof.  I couldn’t wait one more day!  The agony of suspense was making me crazy.  I was nervous and shaking and experiencing an array of emotions that are impossible to describe except by saying that I knew this outcome could possibly change my life forever!

The positive sign appeared instantaneously.  I’m not kidding.  It was like Heavenly Father was enjoying laughing at me at this moment and saying “See, I told you so!”  The box had two tests so just for kicks I did the other one too.  Same thing.  By now He is really getting a chuckle.  I had come to the point in my prayers that I had progressed from the unbelief of “This really can’t happen to me right now, it isn’t in my plans”, to the point of “If this is your will for me and my family, if this is what we need right now to progress, then I know that I can do it with thy help”.  Now I was facing that reality.  Now it was test time.  I had a brief feeling of peace, of finally knowing what my path was.  That feeling left the instant I realized I had to tell Devron. 

That had also been part of my prayers.  An intense part, actually.  It was one of the reasons that I bought the pregnancy test in the first place because I had been trying to bargain with my Father in Heaven.  I had told Him that if I was pregnant, and I was pretty sure that I was, then to confirm it He should let Devron know.  He should tell him somehow.  That sounds fair, right?  At this point I knew He was going to make me do this part, too, and I realize now it was just the beginning of the lessons I needed to learn and the growth I would experience through this whole process.  Now that there weren’t any doubts left about my current maternal status it was time to share the news.

Not to make Devron out to be the bad guy.  I have complete trust and faith in him as my husband and the father of our family.  I knew that he would accept it and believe that bringing a life into the world is never a bad thing.  The timing in this case was just really shocking!  I knew it would be dropping a bomb on him and I didn’t want to be the one to do it.  I also knew it would bring added responsibility to him as the provider for our family and that it would take a while for him to get used to and accept this change in our life plans.  As I paced the empty house and grew more and more apprehensive wondering how to handle it best, I realized I had saved (meaning hidden from the kids) some of my favorite cookies in the freezer.  

 

A true emotional eating experience.  I lost count.  I was nervous and starving and kind of in a surreal situation.  I needed Dev’s support before the kids came home from school.  I needed him to know before he came home as well, so I didn’t have to look at him and pretend that our lives hadn’t suddenly changed in a very big way.  I was sure that I looked different somehow, like that guilty look you catch your kids with sometimes.  I was now caught with my hand in the cookie jar—in more ways than one!!  I didn’t want to tell him over the phone, either, but I didn’t know how his schedule looked that day, so I did a really smart thing and called to ask him if I could drop by his office.  How do you keep your voice calm and even and your tears held back when you are a hormonal, emotional wreck?  I was actually sobbing so hard that it took awhile for me to get any words out.  After a brief moment of silence, he laughed.  Not the response I expected but not a terrible one either!  He told me later that he was imagining a lot of worse things that might have happened when I called him in such a frenzied state. 

I deeply love this man that I married.  The laughter didn’t last very long, and I know he went through a few weeks of disbelief, anger, depression, and just a general feeling of the loss of control of his life, but he was kind.  He was sympathetic to the situation this put me in and together we talked, laughed, cried, and learned to accept this change in our lives, just as we have with every challenge that has come our way.  Comparatively speaking, our challenges have been small in size and number.  We have looked back over our lives several times and recognized that the Lord has led us.  He has a hand in our lives and knows the experiences, good and bad, that will bring us back to Him.  In seeing the trials of life that some around us are going through, if this is our “challenge” then bring it on because I sincerely believe it will turn out to be one of the greatest blessings we will ever have!!

Just in case you find yourself in a similar predicament, here is the cookie recipe.  It won’t let you down!

Peanut Butter-Chocolate Chip Oatmeal Cookies

2 sticks butter, softened
1/2 cup natural peanut butter
1 cup brown sugar
1 cup sugar
2 large eggs
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
3 cups old-fashioned rolled oats
1 1/2 cups whole-wheat flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 cups semisweet chocolate chips
2 cups peanuts or walnuts (my fav)

Natural peanut butter (like Adams) has less sugar and gives the cookies a richer peanut flavor.  You can reduce both sugars to 3/4 cup each, or replace them with 1 1/2 cups Rapadura which is a natural, unprocessed sugar that has a molasses hint to it.  You can find it at places like Good Earth.  My mom is the one that discovered it and started using it in these cookies among other things.  It makes them a lot healthier!

Preheat the oven to 350.  Mix the butter, peanut butter and sugars until light and fluffy.  Mix in eggs and vanilla.  Add dry ingredients and mix until just combined.  Mix in chocolate chips and nuts.  Bake until just set, about 13 minutes.  I like to freeze some to keep them fresh (another tip from my mom).  They thaw pretty quickly and you can enjoy one whenever you like.  Or two, or three . . . Yummy!

New Life

 

This was a defining moment for me.  The date was August 12, 2010—my 40th birthday.  If I had to choose a picture that represented exactly how I felt at a precise moment, this would be it, even though I was being kind of corny at the time.  I didn’t feel forty.  I felt perfectly content with where I was in the timeline of my life, happy with what had passed and looking forward to living the  rest.  Loved by, and in love with my husband and our five children.  Nothing seemed to be missing.

We hiked to Stewart Falls at Sundance, Utah, because that is what I wanted for my birthday.  I LOVE hiking.  It makes me feel alive and strong and free.  I don’t have to worry about hair and makeup—just lace up my shoes, grab a water bottle and hit the trail.  I like pushing myself to get to the desired destination and the feeling of arriving there.  The mountains, the sunshine, the sweat, the kids complaining, laughing, picking flowers and asking, “How much farther?”  It all makes for a wonderful day.  Especially when my sister, Lacey, is with us to randomly burst out in song.  My life was complete at that moment.  I remember thinking, “What is so bad about being forty?”  And the answer was, “Absolutely nothing!”  I felt like a new part of my life was just beginning.  Ha!

I was so right and so wrong.  Look at these innocent faces, unaware of the plan that fate (otherwise known as divine providence) lay in store for them.  Today I am pregnant.  Fifteen weeks to be exact.  My due date is October 11th, meaning I will be forty-one and our youngest daughter will be nine when this new life is born.  What?  What happened?  I mean, I know what happened, but why?  Why now?  I have had a range of different thoughts and emotions as I have explored answers to these questions.  My hope is to document this experience through blogging, something I have always wanted to do and regret not doing sooner.  I guess I just needed a reason to get started and help from my amazing friend, Jill.  She very graciously (and somewhat forcefully) is helping me with tech support from her husband, Mike.  So this begins my new life at forty!